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The Union of Soviet Climate Change Writers

The Union of Soviet Climate Change Writers
– a guest blog by Geoff Chambers

I have an unhealthy obsession with Guardian Environment and their Climate Change web site. As the unofficial voice of the worried middle classes, they have (of course) every right to express the consensus views of their readers on global warming – but twenty times a day?

In the year or so that I have been following their climate change coverage, the Guardian has foresaken all pretence of rational argument. Monbiot’s “Bullshit” campaign; the use of the terms “denier”, and “climate creationist”; and the savage censorship on the so-called “Comment is Free” blogs, all disgrace the reputation of this once respectable newspaper.

This weekend they have reached a new lowpoint with their invitation to “ten of our greatest writers” to treat the subject of Global Warming.

There’s a wonderful moment in “the Office” when a confused Brent is trying to dig himself out of the racist hole he’s dug for himself, and his colleague (the sane one) whispers “He’s going to mention ‘Melting Pot” – and sure enough he does.

UPDATE – Geoff might be referring to this clip

You can get a similar buzz by clicking on Jane Winterton’s prose poem which begins:

I am your inner polar bear

or by reading Andrew Motion’s:

Here are the baffled species taking to high ground,
the already famously lonely polar bear and caribou

The most ardent warmist, the Greenest believer commenting on a Guardian blog would know better than to utter these ineptitudes, simply because a few hours on a climate change blog would make you savvy enough to know that polar bears are passé; everything that needs to be said about polar bears has already been said a million times.

The only people who don’t know that are the country’s greatest writers, apparently.

Not only is there not a single murmur of doubt or dissent from the consensus view of imminent catastrophe; but the sickening regurgitation of the tiredest warmist clichés demonstrates that not one of “our greatest writers” has spent a single hour researching the subject of AGW.

They don’t need to – They Know, and their warning to the doubters is terrible. Here’s Helen Simpson:

Nobody will be able to plead ignorance, either. We can all see what’s happening, on a daily basis, on television

That’s right. Our greatest writers know what’s going on, because they saw it on the telly.

These are proper writers, with talent. But so were the Union of Soviet Writers who extolled Stalin’s five-year plans. No-one is threatening our best writers with the labour camp if they don’t conform. So why do they do it? Are they too stupid, or too lazy, or too cowardly, to confront received opinion?

What’s happening to the intellectual life of our country?

12 replies on “The Union of Soviet Climate Change Writers”

to Hamlet4
I’m premoderated, which means some comments get through (but always with a delay which renders them useless) some not. There is little logic to moderation, as far as I can see. On a recent Monbiot thread I tried three times to praise his campaigning against poverty etc. Refused. Apparently I’m not allowed to say I like Monbiot! It looks to me as if they have established a filter system, allowing one or two sceptics through (eg AGWSceptic) to keep the discussion going.
Note that there have been no articles in the past week on the science of AGW, simply the political side (Monbiot is into crayfish now) giving little chance to discuss the Briffa affair. Note also that the number of comments is way down.
What do you think of a samizdat exCiF site where we can post rejected comments etc?
Maurizio, could you send Hamlet4 my email address (not this one, the normal one) and we can continue this offtopic conversation elsewhere

Given up on comment is free – nothing I wrote got past the censor (I think my handle must have been flagged). Alright my writing can be a bit direct sometimes, but I was mostly factual and mostly went after the ball not the man.

PS @ Geoff Chambers – Are you still allowed to post on CiF.

In case Alex doesn’t explain, thinking (like me) that “Vile agas” was some Italian dialect expression:
Aga is a brand of cast iron stove the size of a steam locomotive which heats your house and melts your furniture for only ten times the price of electric central heating, but makes you feel green because it’s so authentically Victorian. Monbiot devoted a whole Savonarolade recently to the subject.
I visited the Aga factory this summer, in the Severn valley near Ironbridge, (Unesco site of historic interest, as the cradle of the Industrial Revolution). It’s also the site of the most beautiful coal-fired power station in the world. Its massive cooling towers nestling in a wooded valley recall some Mayan temple half-hidden in the Mexican jungle… (but don’t tell Greenpeace).

Very good post, Geoff. And I agree with Sarah JM. Honestly though, the 10:10 people should have asked me for a poetic contribution! My famous Ode to Global Warming is guaranteed to bring a tear to the eye. Ahem, ahem (clears throat)…

Oh weep, Gaia’s children, for yesteryear’s melted Arctic ice,
The trend is down, ever down, and the portents are not… nice,
I stand here an endangered polar bear, Nanook by name,
My habitat is disappearing fast, and loathsome Man-Unkind is all to blame!
Yes, nasty unpleasant Man-Unkind, ’tis of thee I lonesomely moan,
Thy evil, wasteful carbon-polluting ways have caused Mother Gaia to plaintively groan,
Thy awful patio heaters, vile Agas, foul SUVs and other dreadful devil’s spawn,
Have conflagrated the globe’s average temperatures, Oh! would that thou hadst never been born.
Oh woe, ’tis also the fault of industrialisation, George Bush, cow farts and Big Oil,
Oh misery me, this satanic combination of evils hath caused the oceans horribly to boil,
Oh nevermore! Our lovely vulnerable threatened planet Earth, man-made Global Warming will shortly turn
Into a frying pan, Alas and et cetera! in which all endangered species will tragically burn.

(Note to John Mullan, if you’re reading this, verses 2 to 3117 are also available, just as soon as I can make them up. Please give my agent a call.)

That must be the most moving verse in the British language since William McGonagall. Someone is writing (has written?) an Opera for la Scala, Milan based on Al Gore’s Inconvenient Truth. Get yourself an Agent and a Composer quickly and start work on the definitive riposte.

I couldn’t help giving a snort of mirth at the title of Jane Winterton’s prose poem ‘I am your inner polar bear’ I then went on to read the thing and frankly wished I hadn’t – what a load of clichéd twaddle! I think it’s fair to say that rationalism and reasoned debate about AGW will be long extinct before we see polar bears either dying out or donning bikinis.

I confess I hadn’t got to the bitter end of Jane Winterson’s prose poem. Now I have. It has some images which will stay with me for ever, alas, but none to beat yours of poar bears in bikinis.

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